Yesterday I wrote the Prologue, a nice 1000-ish introduction to the protagonist and antagonist who will be working together and battling each other over the course of this epic.
Tonight, I wrote a good 1600-ish word Chapter One that begins to introduce the city, and gives you a peek at some of the evil that is starting to brew in this small coastal fishing town.
I'm pumped. I'm stoked. I'm excited.
I've got a lot of good source material, and I'm just expanding on it and making it my own from all of the great ideas the three of us came up with fourteen years ago. I'm enjoying the characters I'm starting to develop in my mind, and I can't wait to get them on "paper".
This could be it. This could finally be the novel I get completed.
I know I'm in the honeymoon phase with it right now, but the way I'm expanding the twelve episodes into much more has me optimistic that it's going to give me a lot of material to write, play with, and mental screw with the audience. It's "Twin Peaks" meets Time Travel, and I'm loving it.
Gotta hold on to this passion. Can't let it slip away. Gotta keep on myself to write.
I was very happy I wrapped up in time to watch @midnight live tonight.
Now I'm debating on starting Chapter Two tonight, or saving it for tomorrow's writing session.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
Prologue Written
So, in my last post I talked about beginning work on "The Hallway".
I have now written the Prologue to the novel, which technically serves as the set up for the final confrontation - yes, as you know, I also like telling storied non-linear-style.
I set up the main character and the antagonist. And begin to explain a little bit about the city where these events take place. It's going to be rich with characters, and the main character actually won't pop up for a chapter or two, while some of the other set up begins happening. So, I wanted to make sure and do this first, so that the audience knows who they will be ultimately rooting for. Chapter One will start off really creepy and disturbing, and I didn't want that alone to scare people away. I wanted them to know they were going to eventually meet this man, who is going to be a part of something very supernatural and difficult. I'm really happy with the 1000+ words I wrote today, and really looking forward to working on the next chapter.
I'm going to take a little slower with this one before I start posting them online, but I probably will sooner than later. I just wanted to get a couple more chapters done first, and I'm trying to consider the idea of making a Facebook page to post the writing on. As I've previously lamented about, Facebook seems to dominate the web these days, and if I want this to be easily accessible to people, I might want to take that route for posting the chapters. We'll see how it goes. Still going to knock out a few chapters to make sure I'm committed to this, before I start sharing with everyone. Although, I did send the Prologue to my close friend Claire to get her feedback. We'll see how that goes...
Felt really good to write today. Felt really good to be creative. Gong to spend some time tonight going over all of the notes, piecing some things together and start mapping out the next few chapters - that always seems to help me in my writing process, to know exactly where I am going exactly on what timetable of writing. Feeling good right now.
I have now written the Prologue to the novel, which technically serves as the set up for the final confrontation - yes, as you know, I also like telling storied non-linear-style.
I set up the main character and the antagonist. And begin to explain a little bit about the city where these events take place. It's going to be rich with characters, and the main character actually won't pop up for a chapter or two, while some of the other set up begins happening. So, I wanted to make sure and do this first, so that the audience knows who they will be ultimately rooting for. Chapter One will start off really creepy and disturbing, and I didn't want that alone to scare people away. I wanted them to know they were going to eventually meet this man, who is going to be a part of something very supernatural and difficult. I'm really happy with the 1000+ words I wrote today, and really looking forward to working on the next chapter.
I'm going to take a little slower with this one before I start posting them online, but I probably will sooner than later. I just wanted to get a couple more chapters done first, and I'm trying to consider the idea of making a Facebook page to post the writing on. As I've previously lamented about, Facebook seems to dominate the web these days, and if I want this to be easily accessible to people, I might want to take that route for posting the chapters. We'll see how it goes. Still going to knock out a few chapters to make sure I'm committed to this, before I start sharing with everyone. Although, I did send the Prologue to my close friend Claire to get her feedback. We'll see how that goes...
Felt really good to write today. Felt really good to be creative. Gong to spend some time tonight going over all of the notes, piecing some things together and start mapping out the next few chapters - that always seems to help me in my writing process, to know exactly where I am going exactly on what timetable of writing. Feeling good right now.
Started a New Project
I know its been a few days since I checked in here.
It was a long weekend of work, and then the World Cup Final took up most of my day yesterday - as my roommate and I hosted some people over for a cookout and viewing. It was a great time, and I was VERY happy to see Germany come out on top!!!
I've had some free time to think over some things recently, and I just kept trying to decide what I was going to do as far as writing goes. I'm still stuck in a holding pattern on "Perfect Life For Large Price" - which I want to find the motivation to finish, but it is just not there at the moment.
So, I began thinking about what I like, and what I enjoy writing about. Obviously, if you know me, these things won't come as a surprise: Time travel, relationships, and the supernatural/unknown (like David Lynchian Style). These all reminded me of a project from back in 2001, when two friends and I mapped out a concept for a Television Series we wanted to do. It deals with the Occult and lots of supernatural elements including some pretty weird time-travel-like moments.
So, this morning I dug those notes out of my boxes and started reading over them again, and getting a little bit of a passion for this project again. Obviously, I'm going to make some changes and elaborate on some various things we never addressed, and flesh out a few more characters - but the concept, the tone, the idea, it will all still be there in this epic battle of good vs. evil. We originally called it "The Hallway" - and in 2008, I attempted to convert this into a screenplay called "What Happened to Stephanie Carlisle?" which I wanted to be GemInI Films next project. Sadly, that never shaped into anything - which now gives me the chance to once again re-visit it, dust off the ideas, and see what I can turn it into. Can I even make this a trilogy? I've mapped out the first few chapters - which is always motivating to me, and helps me write knowing where I am going next. So, I feel like I will get those done over the next few days. I've already sat down this afternoon and knocked out the first 500 words of the Prologue.
Now, as I take a break to make some dinner - I keep staring out the back patio and noticing the intense weather going through Indianapolis right now. Dark skies, lots of rain, heavy winds... Making me want to put in "Twister". Hopefully I decide to pick writing more over viewing that movie...
It was a long weekend of work, and then the World Cup Final took up most of my day yesterday - as my roommate and I hosted some people over for a cookout and viewing. It was a great time, and I was VERY happy to see Germany come out on top!!!
I've had some free time to think over some things recently, and I just kept trying to decide what I was going to do as far as writing goes. I'm still stuck in a holding pattern on "Perfect Life For Large Price" - which I want to find the motivation to finish, but it is just not there at the moment.
So, I began thinking about what I like, and what I enjoy writing about. Obviously, if you know me, these things won't come as a surprise: Time travel, relationships, and the supernatural/unknown (like David Lynchian Style). These all reminded me of a project from back in 2001, when two friends and I mapped out a concept for a Television Series we wanted to do. It deals with the Occult and lots of supernatural elements including some pretty weird time-travel-like moments.
So, this morning I dug those notes out of my boxes and started reading over them again, and getting a little bit of a passion for this project again. Obviously, I'm going to make some changes and elaborate on some various things we never addressed, and flesh out a few more characters - but the concept, the tone, the idea, it will all still be there in this epic battle of good vs. evil. We originally called it "The Hallway" - and in 2008, I attempted to convert this into a screenplay called "What Happened to Stephanie Carlisle?" which I wanted to be GemInI Films next project. Sadly, that never shaped into anything - which now gives me the chance to once again re-visit it, dust off the ideas, and see what I can turn it into. Can I even make this a trilogy? I've mapped out the first few chapters - which is always motivating to me, and helps me write knowing where I am going next. So, I feel like I will get those done over the next few days. I've already sat down this afternoon and knocked out the first 500 words of the Prologue.
Now, as I take a break to make some dinner - I keep staring out the back patio and noticing the intense weather going through Indianapolis right now. Dark skies, lots of rain, heavy winds... Making me want to put in "Twister". Hopefully I decide to pick writing more over viewing that movie...
Sunday, July 06, 2014
I Got Words to Write, So Listen if You Like
First, I want to thank a lot of people for reaching out and making comments and the like to let me know that I'm not the only one who starts projects that they never finish. I never thought that I was the only one, and I wasn't trying to write any "woe is Shane, the only writer who can't finish..." type of post the other night. I was just merely attempting to address my writing ADHD and how I start off so passionate with an idea that I quickly lose interest in the story.
That, obviously went down the rabbit hole of sharing some personal thoughts and feelings on some of the projects I have had in the past, at various stages. Perhaps I shared too much, but someone once gave me the compliment of calling me "intrepid" and that something that I have attempted to hold myself up to. I write/say/do things that I probably shouldn't at times, but it's how I embrace life. I deal with the consequences later.
So, looking back on that previous post - I want to make sure that people also understand about me: I am proud of all of the stuff that I have written. Be it but one chapter, ten chapters, a whole script, or only 33 chapters of a novel. I love every character that I create in my mind and transfer into the words on a computer. All of those project did one important thing for me: they made me use my brain to create people, situations, interactions, and dialogue. It took those synapses and put my fingers to work making the words come alive on the screen. And I am most proud of the fact that I have completed 33 chapters of a SciFi novel, telling a story that I am very proud of.
Now, as far as "Perfect Life For Large Price" goes, I've hit a tough spot - and this is going to sound somewhat like a cop-out, but it's more just an evaluation of who I am. I need a driving force, and I've always wanted an "editor" for the novel. I've always wanted someone to read it after I wrote it, make some grammatical errors and corrections for me, tidy up some of the places where I talk too much, etc... When I was doing film work, I always had Jason or Zach in this role - "Where's the script?" or "Is the new scene done yet?" - I had people who I did not want to let down, thus it was my driving force. Same thing on editing those films, "I want to see the next scene, is it cut yet?" - and I would dedicate all my time to getting that done and ready for them to see. In the beginning of "Perfect Life For Large Price" I had a lot of people telling me there were reading it, I had a lot of people telling their friends to read it. I was getting some good page hits from all over the US, as people were recommending it on Facebook. And that drove me. That motivated me. The concept of delivering to these people, specifically my close friends. Everything was going on such a great pace, until the death of one of my best friends. That just rocked my world, shook me to the core, and made me stop caring about a lot of things. I lost my way, and it's taken me many years to get back to this point, where I'm more interested in sitting on the back patio, enjoying this beautiful brisk evening, and typing away on a laptop - instead of going out and partying hard with people. That all being said, and my rejuvenation in passion for words - still brings me to the need for someone to hold me accountable. I've still got great friends like Claire and Jill who are super supportive and do constantly harp at me for not working more on the novel, but I can't expect either of them, or anyone else to have the desire in life to constantly be reading what I write, edit it for me, and then tell we what I need to work better on - especially not with the paycheck of zero dollars being my highest offer. Not too long ago, I was spending a good amount of time with a girl who did stage production and script supervising, and was somewhat of book-nerd herself. I thought that I had found the perfect person to help me, but she just never showed any interest in doing what I needed done. She offered to read it, but when I told what I was wanting help with, she just seemed to shy away from the idea. Which, was a quite a disappointment, I felt like she would have been good at motivating me.
I know I need to find self-motivation, and I'm partially hoping that these late-night writing sessions (as after as I can, because life does something still get in the way...) can begin to fuel that fire again, and get me back into the mindset of writing. The other major problem with "Perfect Life For Large Price" right now is how long I have taken away from it for so long, that I want and need to go back and re-read it all for myself. The only issue with that being: I'm finding ALL of the grammatical errors and things that I would be wanting this "editor" to find for me. So, instead of being able to read my novel and get deep into it again, I find myself re-writing the entire chapter. I want to reword this sentence, or I can say that in fewer words. Oh, I know where this is going now, I can do some more ominous foreshadowing with this character's dialogue... I remember a while ago (well over a year) I told Claire that I was going to get back to work on the novel. In the first week that I re-worked on it, all I got done was re-writing the first three chapters - and I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I start again. More changes, more edits. Yet, that's still more writing. That's still using words to tell my story, even if it's just altering the story that I've already been telling. So, I hope that one day I can find that person who just drives me to want to deliver my work to them, while they also help to motivate me with their attempts to making my work better. I'm sure it will happen someday, but until then, I have to make sure I can build up the desire in myself to do it for me.
I also had a really good conversation with Jason tonight - because I've been looking into some DSLRs and other higher-end camcorders with the intent of attempting to shoot some stuff in the near future. I told him that I'd like to complete a few short seven-to-ten page scripts that could be filmed with minimal actors and in very short periods of time (one or two days). Nothing difficult, nothing complex, just some simple stories that will hopefully be we written and we can get some talented people to deliver those words. Quick projects that I can edit myself and toss up on YouTube. I'm starting to kick around a few ideas for those. And knowing me, I'll probably do something that involves a bigger pictures that each short is just a cog in this larger puzzle of a connected world. Make one characters actions in one story somehow directly (or indirectly I suppose) affect what a character does in a different story. I tend to try to interweave stories a lot. Hence, most of scripts/stories always contain a character with the last name of McKenzie.
So, yeah. I've been failing at writing on here everyday, but that doesn't mean that the creative juices are not still flowing. I'm still trying to put my brainwaves back on the good path to being productive towards my dreams and not destructive towards my desires. I will right this mental ship sooner than later.
Talking about writing gets me excited about writing.
That, obviously went down the rabbit hole of sharing some personal thoughts and feelings on some of the projects I have had in the past, at various stages. Perhaps I shared too much, but someone once gave me the compliment of calling me "intrepid" and that something that I have attempted to hold myself up to. I write/say/do things that I probably shouldn't at times, but it's how I embrace life. I deal with the consequences later.
So, looking back on that previous post - I want to make sure that people also understand about me: I am proud of all of the stuff that I have written. Be it but one chapter, ten chapters, a whole script, or only 33 chapters of a novel. I love every character that I create in my mind and transfer into the words on a computer. All of those project did one important thing for me: they made me use my brain to create people, situations, interactions, and dialogue. It took those synapses and put my fingers to work making the words come alive on the screen. And I am most proud of the fact that I have completed 33 chapters of a SciFi novel, telling a story that I am very proud of.
Now, as far as "Perfect Life For Large Price" goes, I've hit a tough spot - and this is going to sound somewhat like a cop-out, but it's more just an evaluation of who I am. I need a driving force, and I've always wanted an "editor" for the novel. I've always wanted someone to read it after I wrote it, make some grammatical errors and corrections for me, tidy up some of the places where I talk too much, etc... When I was doing film work, I always had Jason or Zach in this role - "Where's the script?" or "Is the new scene done yet?" - I had people who I did not want to let down, thus it was my driving force. Same thing on editing those films, "I want to see the next scene, is it cut yet?" - and I would dedicate all my time to getting that done and ready for them to see. In the beginning of "Perfect Life For Large Price" I had a lot of people telling me there were reading it, I had a lot of people telling their friends to read it. I was getting some good page hits from all over the US, as people were recommending it on Facebook. And that drove me. That motivated me. The concept of delivering to these people, specifically my close friends. Everything was going on such a great pace, until the death of one of my best friends. That just rocked my world, shook me to the core, and made me stop caring about a lot of things. I lost my way, and it's taken me many years to get back to this point, where I'm more interested in sitting on the back patio, enjoying this beautiful brisk evening, and typing away on a laptop - instead of going out and partying hard with people. That all being said, and my rejuvenation in passion for words - still brings me to the need for someone to hold me accountable. I've still got great friends like Claire and Jill who are super supportive and do constantly harp at me for not working more on the novel, but I can't expect either of them, or anyone else to have the desire in life to constantly be reading what I write, edit it for me, and then tell we what I need to work better on - especially not with the paycheck of zero dollars being my highest offer. Not too long ago, I was spending a good amount of time with a girl who did stage production and script supervising, and was somewhat of book-nerd herself. I thought that I had found the perfect person to help me, but she just never showed any interest in doing what I needed done. She offered to read it, but when I told what I was wanting help with, she just seemed to shy away from the idea. Which, was a quite a disappointment, I felt like she would have been good at motivating me.
I know I need to find self-motivation, and I'm partially hoping that these late-night writing sessions (as after as I can, because life does something still get in the way...) can begin to fuel that fire again, and get me back into the mindset of writing. The other major problem with "Perfect Life For Large Price" right now is how long I have taken away from it for so long, that I want and need to go back and re-read it all for myself. The only issue with that being: I'm finding ALL of the grammatical errors and things that I would be wanting this "editor" to find for me. So, instead of being able to read my novel and get deep into it again, I find myself re-writing the entire chapter. I want to reword this sentence, or I can say that in fewer words. Oh, I know where this is going now, I can do some more ominous foreshadowing with this character's dialogue... I remember a while ago (well over a year) I told Claire that I was going to get back to work on the novel. In the first week that I re-worked on it, all I got done was re-writing the first three chapters - and I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I start again. More changes, more edits. Yet, that's still more writing. That's still using words to tell my story, even if it's just altering the story that I've already been telling. So, I hope that one day I can find that person who just drives me to want to deliver my work to them, while they also help to motivate me with their attempts to making my work better. I'm sure it will happen someday, but until then, I have to make sure I can build up the desire in myself to do it for me.
I also had a really good conversation with Jason tonight - because I've been looking into some DSLRs and other higher-end camcorders with the intent of attempting to shoot some stuff in the near future. I told him that I'd like to complete a few short seven-to-ten page scripts that could be filmed with minimal actors and in very short periods of time (one or two days). Nothing difficult, nothing complex, just some simple stories that will hopefully be we written and we can get some talented people to deliver those words. Quick projects that I can edit myself and toss up on YouTube. I'm starting to kick around a few ideas for those. And knowing me, I'll probably do something that involves a bigger pictures that each short is just a cog in this larger puzzle of a connected world. Make one characters actions in one story somehow directly (or indirectly I suppose) affect what a character does in a different story. I tend to try to interweave stories a lot. Hence, most of scripts/stories always contain a character with the last name of McKenzie.
So, yeah. I've been failing at writing on here everyday, but that doesn't mean that the creative juices are not still flowing. I'm still trying to put my brainwaves back on the good path to being productive towards my dreams and not destructive towards my desires. I will right this mental ship sooner than later.
Talking about writing gets me excited about writing.
Thursday, July 03, 2014
Chapter One and Done???
Based on a recent comment and some personal "soul searching", I have hit a very awkward questioning point in my life. I have always enjoyed the producing aspect of all of the films that I am worked on - but the truth be told, I always consider myself a storyteller.
I like to tell stories. I like to create characters and make people become emotionally invested in them. I love the various story-telling aspects that evoke emotions on different levels. I love the ability to connect with a reader on multiple plains and garner responses not previously considered.
As much as I love producing films for other people - and making their dreams a reality... I, Shane M. White, am a storyteller. I have so many stories that I want to tell. And ina recent response to a comment, it was brought to my attention where I stand with all of that.
I have so many ideas. Some good, some bad, some silly, some dumb, some crazy, some ridiculous, some convoluted. I have an odd sense of humor, and much of my love for comedy is not always received by the masses. I grew up watching "SNL" and "Flying Circus" repeats on Comedy Central. I watched "Weekend Update" clips more religiously than actual news broadcasts. I created a ery harbored and sheltered meta-world where my mind lived.
After saying that, I have tons of ideas and concepts that enter my brain every single day. And most of them are lame, and implausible. But, sometimes I think I've struck something brilliant, something genius. A concept that I can run with. And in a recent comment, I admitted to the fact that I have seven "Chapter Ones" completed.
What does that mean?
It means, aside from all of my other stories - I have seven ideas that I have sat down and written the first chapter of their lives. I've given the Genesis Device to seven ideas, and let them begin to Terra Form. I've laid the base-level groundwork for seven attempts at a full story. Seven times, I have done this - and failed to do anything else.
First up, let's address "Grinchby" - it's three (maybe four?) years in the making. It is essentially the story of "A Christmas Carol" told through a semi-well-to-do man who learns his local bar is closing, while he is home over Christmas, visiting family. While he attempts to avoid his family and soak in as much alcohol as he can, two women from his past come through the doors, at the same time that the owner reveals to him that they are closing that night because of being behind on their mortgage. Benjamin Grinchby then spends the night confronting his demons of past relationships, with his future of potential investments both in the bar and in the girl who got away. It's a modern day version for the love-struck male. Women from his past discus their relationship and allow him to reflect on his current girlfriend, while realizing the high school sweetheart who is still an option. And whie all of his personal drama plays out, he wants nothing more than to save the bar he worked at a decade ago. It's a story about love, loss, and loyalty. And one that may never be finished.
I'll take a fe seconds to address one big thing in my life - Cameron Crowe and his works, have forever been a resounding statement in my mind. Not only for story-telling but for emotional resonance. The truth, the heart, the emotion, the feelings. Those are the things that a teenage Shane feel in love with. I was on a date in 1997 with a girl names Amber at Sony Cherry Tree on Washington Street, when we watched "Jerry Maguire" together, and it changed my perception of so many things - granted it hurt our relationship because she didn't buy into all of the things I felt that I needed to change, but we had a good friendship post-break-up that eventually let to a re-kindling that I ruined - later leading me to revelation that I just refuse to accept any happiness in any relationship.
Even when those relationships should only be considered as platonic, I still managed to over-analyze them into stupidity, and then try to write about it. Which led to...
"Waited on a Line of Green and Blues".
Green with Envy.
Blue with Sadness.
It is the story of a bartender, who every single night, a fellow industry server comes into his bar and she sits down to eat and drink and spend more time away from her boyfriend. Because that guy, is a douchebag. He's not a good guy. He treats her badly and takes advantage of her awesomeness. Thus, our "hero" protagonist is forced to deal with a quandary each night. This amazing woman, is selling herself short by being with this lame ass-clown of a boyfriend. How does he make her realize that she is better than what she is settling for? How does he convince her that she deserves better from man? Better... like him! And from the female perspective, when do you even consider a guy as as more than friend? Why does he have to treat you badly to reach that desirable state?
Over the last months I moved into my friend Lindsay's House and have begun a new chapter of my life. During that move, I threw away A LOT of my past. I threw away a lot of things that I had been holding onto as dear moment from my past. Lots of pictures, lost of notes and letters from ex-girlfriends, lost of nostalgic memorabilia from "that Indy 500 that we went to together" or "that Oscar Party we went to together" - it was a major purging of a lot of things. The one thing that survived it all, was the notes and story ideas that I wrote down from it all. And there was LOTS of them. Many ideas/concepts that I had for comedies and dramas. I always drew from personal experiences when writing. In the vein of Stand-Up Comedy, I wanted to write things that people could relate to. If it made you laugh, I wanted it to be funny. If it made you sad, I wanted it to be because you were reflecting on your own failures and where you could have made your life better. I evoking emotions on an audiences. Maybe it is a bad thing, but it's how I want to connect with people. Let's connect through loss, heart-ache and pain! Because those are the emotions that eveyone speaks.
In 2000, I wrote a script titled "All Good Things..."
The title was a play on the finale of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" in which Q (my favorite character!) tells Jean-Luc Picard, "All good things must come to an end". A pathetic idea that I associated with many of my relationships in the early 20-something years of my life. This script in particular was written about a very special woman in my life. And it's sad to realize that I was only romanticizing about her. She was a wonderful woman, and someone that still holds a very special place in my heart. But at that point in each of our lives - we just were not on the same page. Despite her amazing passion for film-making (which was exactly why I was so beyond attracted to the mental comprehension of creating a visual medium) we just didn't work out on an emotional level. And when writing this script, I was very angry and very dejected and attacked a lot of things about her personality. It was only YEARS later that I considered - "Maybe its time to make this film?" - when I realized, that I sabotaged everything. And I do not mean the script - I mean our relationship from day one. I injected an emotional virus into whatever we tried to build together - because that's what I thought I needed.
Case in point: My first film "Consternate" that I wrote with Jason L. Maier. My character, the main character, had to get in a few fights with his girlfriend. How did I accomplish writing that? I purposely got into arguments with my girlfriend, so that I could take those fights and create dialogue from them. It wasn't until I crossed the line, she broke up with me, and moved on - before I realized what was going on. I always thought that I could get her back - but I was very wrong. Thus, in a very sad - and very pathetic way - the girl who played my girlfriend in "Consternate" was just being an extension of the girl who broke up with me - because I was writing "Consternate" based on our fights.
It brings me to an awkward point in my life - wondering if I am really the storyteller that I have always claimed to be. Do I rally have stories to tell? Or are all of my stories simply manifestations of the failed relationships that I have allowed myself to be a part of? Because, if that's the case - then my next story is going to a very awkward and bizarre tale about losing a good friend over his sister. And I'm really not sure that's a story I need to make available to world - nor do I think the world would care.
Can I tell a non-personal story?
Can I just create characters and environments for them to inhabit?
Or will I forever be doomed to have such a lack of creativity - that I am reduced to enhancing failed relationships into concepts that people can relate to? Is every story of mine just a pathetic extension of some female who rejected me? Can I only write about love and loss?
I have seven "Chapter Ones" written. Some of them are online, most of them are not.
I have a lot to consider, when it comes to my writing - and what I think I can accomplish.
I have stories I want to tell.
Can I dis-associate myself enough to make them interesting?
Can I actually commit to finishing any of them?
I'm a creature of positive re-enforcement.
"Perfect Life For Large Price" was most productive when people talked to me about it regularly. I posted all of those chapters to garner interest. And for a short period, it was there. Only three or four people really cared, but when they were all texting me and begging me for the next bit of the story - that is what drove me. I need that motivation. I need that acceptance. I need someone giving me positive reinforcement. That helps me write, and helps me want to deliver for people. When that desire ceased, so did my passion for writing. And that's pathetic. But that's how I mentally function. I know its wrong, but I cannot fix it. I wish I could.
Wrapping up, I will address "Forever Got a Lot Shorter". This was a script I first wrote in 2001, that was a throwback to "St. Elmo's Fire". At that point, I had just returned from L.A. and was dealing with some personal situations. My friend Zach's Father had passed away while I lived in L.A., and this was a man who was a second father to me - so i had to deal with not being there for Zach and how that affected our friendship. On top of that, I returned home to my friend Jason being head-over-heals in love with the bitch who took his virginity. A woman I didn't get along with, that caused much strife and grief between Jason and I. So, I started writing a story treatment about feeling like all my friends moved on without me being around.
That script is in hell, and will never be touched again - but I bring it up because of where it plays into my current life. Zach, is happily married with two beautiful girls, while Jason is happily married with two sons and a daughter. And then there is Shane. The guy who rarely gets to ever be a part of either of their lives. And while I've considered writing "Chapter One" of my depressing story about not only failing at my marriage, the lack of children, and the lack of ability to be present in my best friend's children's lives, I'm happy to have the mindset to know that attempting to tell a story like that, would be as productive as finishing any of the scripts that I wrote when I was twenty-ish years old.
More often than not, it's a better idea to make up something ridiculous and insane for a story - than to pull from real life. I am not Cameron Crowe, and I need to stop trying to emulate his ability to emotionally invest people in ordinary lives. I also am not Kevin Smith. And many of the people named (or insinuated) in this entry will attest to my failed attempts to create scripts that mirrored what he did in his early career. Basically, I am realizing and accepting that I spent far too much of my life trying to re-create the success of others - but using my own life-failings - and that was just pathetic.
I need to figure out the story I want to tell.
I need to decide if that's a short story, that I need to buy the equipment to film.
Or if it's a new feature that I'm going to have to start over at rock-bottom to produce?
I just realized that I never touched on the "Garage Band" script that Matt Cicci and I wrote, that I later wanted to turn into a stage musical.
I have a lot of notebooks.
I have a lot of stories.
I have to find the one that people will actually care to read.
I like to tell stories. I like to create characters and make people become emotionally invested in them. I love the various story-telling aspects that evoke emotions on different levels. I love the ability to connect with a reader on multiple plains and garner responses not previously considered.
As much as I love producing films for other people - and making their dreams a reality... I, Shane M. White, am a storyteller. I have so many stories that I want to tell. And ina recent response to a comment, it was brought to my attention where I stand with all of that.
I have so many ideas. Some good, some bad, some silly, some dumb, some crazy, some ridiculous, some convoluted. I have an odd sense of humor, and much of my love for comedy is not always received by the masses. I grew up watching "SNL" and "Flying Circus" repeats on Comedy Central. I watched "Weekend Update" clips more religiously than actual news broadcasts. I created a ery harbored and sheltered meta-world where my mind lived.
After saying that, I have tons of ideas and concepts that enter my brain every single day. And most of them are lame, and implausible. But, sometimes I think I've struck something brilliant, something genius. A concept that I can run with. And in a recent comment, I admitted to the fact that I have seven "Chapter Ones" completed.
What does that mean?
It means, aside from all of my other stories - I have seven ideas that I have sat down and written the first chapter of their lives. I've given the Genesis Device to seven ideas, and let them begin to Terra Form. I've laid the base-level groundwork for seven attempts at a full story. Seven times, I have done this - and failed to do anything else.
First up, let's address "Grinchby" - it's three (maybe four?) years in the making. It is essentially the story of "A Christmas Carol" told through a semi-well-to-do man who learns his local bar is closing, while he is home over Christmas, visiting family. While he attempts to avoid his family and soak in as much alcohol as he can, two women from his past come through the doors, at the same time that the owner reveals to him that they are closing that night because of being behind on their mortgage. Benjamin Grinchby then spends the night confronting his demons of past relationships, with his future of potential investments both in the bar and in the girl who got away. It's a modern day version for the love-struck male. Women from his past discus their relationship and allow him to reflect on his current girlfriend, while realizing the high school sweetheart who is still an option. And whie all of his personal drama plays out, he wants nothing more than to save the bar he worked at a decade ago. It's a story about love, loss, and loyalty. And one that may never be finished.
I'll take a fe seconds to address one big thing in my life - Cameron Crowe and his works, have forever been a resounding statement in my mind. Not only for story-telling but for emotional resonance. The truth, the heart, the emotion, the feelings. Those are the things that a teenage Shane feel in love with. I was on a date in 1997 with a girl names Amber at Sony Cherry Tree on Washington Street, when we watched "Jerry Maguire" together, and it changed my perception of so many things - granted it hurt our relationship because she didn't buy into all of the things I felt that I needed to change, but we had a good friendship post-break-up that eventually let to a re-kindling that I ruined - later leading me to revelation that I just refuse to accept any happiness in any relationship.
Even when those relationships should only be considered as platonic, I still managed to over-analyze them into stupidity, and then try to write about it. Which led to...
"Waited on a Line of Green and Blues".
Green with Envy.
Blue with Sadness.
It is the story of a bartender, who every single night, a fellow industry server comes into his bar and she sits down to eat and drink and spend more time away from her boyfriend. Because that guy, is a douchebag. He's not a good guy. He treats her badly and takes advantage of her awesomeness. Thus, our "hero" protagonist is forced to deal with a quandary each night. This amazing woman, is selling herself short by being with this lame ass-clown of a boyfriend. How does he make her realize that she is better than what she is settling for? How does he convince her that she deserves better from man? Better... like him! And from the female perspective, when do you even consider a guy as as more than friend? Why does he have to treat you badly to reach that desirable state?
In 2000, I wrote a script titled "All Good Things..."
The title was a play on the finale of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" in which Q (my favorite character!) tells Jean-Luc Picard, "All good things must come to an end". A pathetic idea that I associated with many of my relationships in the early 20-something years of my life. This script in particular was written about a very special woman in my life. And it's sad to realize that I was only romanticizing about her. She was a wonderful woman, and someone that still holds a very special place in my heart. But at that point in each of our lives - we just were not on the same page. Despite her amazing passion for film-making (which was exactly why I was so beyond attracted to the mental comprehension of creating a visual medium) we just didn't work out on an emotional level. And when writing this script, I was very angry and very dejected and attacked a lot of things about her personality. It was only YEARS later that I considered - "Maybe its time to make this film?" - when I realized, that I sabotaged everything. And I do not mean the script - I mean our relationship from day one. I injected an emotional virus into whatever we tried to build together - because that's what I thought I needed.
Case in point: My first film "Consternate" that I wrote with Jason L. Maier. My character, the main character, had to get in a few fights with his girlfriend. How did I accomplish writing that? I purposely got into arguments with my girlfriend, so that I could take those fights and create dialogue from them. It wasn't until I crossed the line, she broke up with me, and moved on - before I realized what was going on. I always thought that I could get her back - but I was very wrong. Thus, in a very sad - and very pathetic way - the girl who played my girlfriend in "Consternate" was just being an extension of the girl who broke up with me - because I was writing "Consternate" based on our fights.
It brings me to an awkward point in my life - wondering if I am really the storyteller that I have always claimed to be. Do I rally have stories to tell? Or are all of my stories simply manifestations of the failed relationships that I have allowed myself to be a part of? Because, if that's the case - then my next story is going to a very awkward and bizarre tale about losing a good friend over his sister. And I'm really not sure that's a story I need to make available to world - nor do I think the world would care.
Can I tell a non-personal story?
Can I just create characters and environments for them to inhabit?
Or will I forever be doomed to have such a lack of creativity - that I am reduced to enhancing failed relationships into concepts that people can relate to? Is every story of mine just a pathetic extension of some female who rejected me? Can I only write about love and loss?
I have seven "Chapter Ones" written. Some of them are online, most of them are not.
I have a lot to consider, when it comes to my writing - and what I think I can accomplish.
I have stories I want to tell.
Can I dis-associate myself enough to make them interesting?
Can I actually commit to finishing any of them?
I'm a creature of positive re-enforcement.
"Perfect Life For Large Price" was most productive when people talked to me about it regularly. I posted all of those chapters to garner interest. And for a short period, it was there. Only three or four people really cared, but when they were all texting me and begging me for the next bit of the story - that is what drove me. I need that motivation. I need that acceptance. I need someone giving me positive reinforcement. That helps me write, and helps me want to deliver for people. When that desire ceased, so did my passion for writing. And that's pathetic. But that's how I mentally function. I know its wrong, but I cannot fix it. I wish I could.
Wrapping up, I will address "Forever Got a Lot Shorter". This was a script I first wrote in 2001, that was a throwback to "St. Elmo's Fire". At that point, I had just returned from L.A. and was dealing with some personal situations. My friend Zach's Father had passed away while I lived in L.A., and this was a man who was a second father to me - so i had to deal with not being there for Zach and how that affected our friendship. On top of that, I returned home to my friend Jason being head-over-heals in love with the bitch who took his virginity. A woman I didn't get along with, that caused much strife and grief between Jason and I. So, I started writing a story treatment about feeling like all my friends moved on without me being around.
That script is in hell, and will never be touched again - but I bring it up because of where it plays into my current life. Zach, is happily married with two beautiful girls, while Jason is happily married with two sons and a daughter. And then there is Shane. The guy who rarely gets to ever be a part of either of their lives. And while I've considered writing "Chapter One" of my depressing story about not only failing at my marriage, the lack of children, and the lack of ability to be present in my best friend's children's lives, I'm happy to have the mindset to know that attempting to tell a story like that, would be as productive as finishing any of the scripts that I wrote when I was twenty-ish years old.
More often than not, it's a better idea to make up something ridiculous and insane for a story - than to pull from real life. I am not Cameron Crowe, and I need to stop trying to emulate his ability to emotionally invest people in ordinary lives. I also am not Kevin Smith. And many of the people named (or insinuated) in this entry will attest to my failed attempts to create scripts that mirrored what he did in his early career. Basically, I am realizing and accepting that I spent far too much of my life trying to re-create the success of others - but using my own life-failings - and that was just pathetic.
I need to figure out the story I want to tell.
I need to decide if that's a short story, that I need to buy the equipment to film.
Or if it's a new feature that I'm going to have to start over at rock-bottom to produce?
I just realized that I never touched on the "Garage Band" script that Matt Cicci and I wrote, that I later wanted to turn into a stage musical.
I have a lot of notebooks.
I have a lot of stories.
I have to find the one that people will actually care to read.
Why I Didn't Write Yesterday
Technically, there's no real excuse for this, I should have gotten myself onto the computer in the morning, but I was busy getting ready for the day and watching as much of the Argentina match as I could - yep, those are excuses.
But, the reason I did not find the time to write anything in the evening was because I spent the majority of the day in downtown Indy on Mass. Ave. watching the USA v Belgium World Cup Round of 16 Match.
First, here is a picture of what things looked like two hours before kick off...
Yeah, even that early, we were pretty deep into the crowd and it only kept getting worse. By the time the match started, things looked a little more like this...
So, we got downtown about 1:30pm, made our way to Mass Ave, parked our chairs in the middle of the street, had a few beers, and got to know our new neighbors that we would spend the next few hours cheering with. We got to watch the end of the Argentina v Switzerland match, which was a wonderful nil-nil draw that went into extra time, and honestly was hoping to see it go into a PK shoot out, but alas Argentina wasn't too keen on that idea. Which doesn't disappoint me, I really think Leo Messi is the greatest player in the world, and I'm happy to see them move on, despite the fact that they eliminated Xherdan Shaqiri - who plays for Bayern Munich.
We then had some time to kill, which was filled by putting all of our chairs into a nice circle and just hanging out, while also having a few friends stop by on their way to meet up with other people. It was a very nice and friendly vibe all around, I didn't see anyone out of control or angry or any fights of any kind. All of the people around us were just really personable and friendly and we all had a really good time and experience. I really enjoy communal situations like that, and was so happy that things went so smoothly.
It was a sad end to the US run in this World Cup. I felt like they played really good during regular time, and then I don't know what happened - perhaps heat exhaustion - during the extra time, but it was pretty disappointing. The first goal was legit, but I feel like the second one should not have gone in, and that would have been a nice goal to tie by Julian Green. As much I want to place blame on Jürgen Klinsmann, I don't think he did a whole wrong in the match from a coaching standpoint. Although perhaps some of his choices for the defense could be called into question. I think whatever gaps the US had fixed in their back line after Germany, seemed to fall apart. If you want to see a nice collection of all 16 saves that Tim Howard did make, here's a good video...
Post match, a few of us did our best to help clean up the street, because it was pretty trashed.
All in all, it was an extremely long day and I was just beyond exhausted by the time I got home, and was dealing with the humility of the fact that I have some seriously ridiculous tan lines on my face and my arms. I'm not sure how I didn't process the fact that spending seven hours outside in the sun was going to have serious repercussions on my skin? Luckily, I did have a good enough base of color, that I'm not terribly burnt aside from my head. My arms just look funny.
So, there we have it. That's my story about the lack of writing anything yesterday.
But, the reason I did not find the time to write anything in the evening was because I spent the majority of the day in downtown Indy on Mass. Ave. watching the USA v Belgium World Cup Round of 16 Match.
First, here is a picture of what things looked like two hours before kick off...
Yeah, even that early, we were pretty deep into the crowd and it only kept getting worse. By the time the match started, things looked a little more like this...
So, we got downtown about 1:30pm, made our way to Mass Ave, parked our chairs in the middle of the street, had a few beers, and got to know our new neighbors that we would spend the next few hours cheering with. We got to watch the end of the Argentina v Switzerland match, which was a wonderful nil-nil draw that went into extra time, and honestly was hoping to see it go into a PK shoot out, but alas Argentina wasn't too keen on that idea. Which doesn't disappoint me, I really think Leo Messi is the greatest player in the world, and I'm happy to see them move on, despite the fact that they eliminated Xherdan Shaqiri - who plays for Bayern Munich.
We then had some time to kill, which was filled by putting all of our chairs into a nice circle and just hanging out, while also having a few friends stop by on their way to meet up with other people. It was a very nice and friendly vibe all around, I didn't see anyone out of control or angry or any fights of any kind. All of the people around us were just really personable and friendly and we all had a really good time and experience. I really enjoy communal situations like that, and was so happy that things went so smoothly.
It was a sad end to the US run in this World Cup. I felt like they played really good during regular time, and then I don't know what happened - perhaps heat exhaustion - during the extra time, but it was pretty disappointing. The first goal was legit, but I feel like the second one should not have gone in, and that would have been a nice goal to tie by Julian Green. As much I want to place blame on Jürgen Klinsmann, I don't think he did a whole wrong in the match from a coaching standpoint. Although perhaps some of his choices for the defense could be called into question. I think whatever gaps the US had fixed in their back line after Germany, seemed to fall apart. If you want to see a nice collection of all 16 saves that Tim Howard did make, here's a good video...
Post match, a few of us did our best to help clean up the street, because it was pretty trashed.
All in all, it was an extremely long day and I was just beyond exhausted by the time I got home, and was dealing with the humility of the fact that I have some seriously ridiculous tan lines on my face and my arms. I'm not sure how I didn't process the fact that spending seven hours outside in the sun was going to have serious repercussions on my skin? Luckily, I did have a good enough base of color, that I'm not terribly burnt aside from my head. My arms just look funny.
So, there we have it. That's my story about the lack of writing anything yesterday.
Tuesday, July 01, 2014
World Cup Sketch: Unbeatable Russians Comedy Pitch
Two really good matches were played in the World Cup today, and Germany won! Which made for a good day. Tomorrow, I'm heading downtown to join in a block party viewing party for US Men's National match against Belgium - should be a really fun time.
With all the World Cup watching I've been doing, I have this comedy concept brewing in my head. The genesis happened when I was watching a Russian match, and it got me to thinking about the Russians of the past: The 1960s Basketball Teams and the Hockey Teams of the 70s and 80s. It got me thinking about the idea of in the mid-1940s, the Russian Soccer team loses a match, and then a firing squad comes out and kills all the members of the team and coaching staff. The Russian Federation then announces that anytime their team loses, their entire team will be executed. Every match that they play, there is an eleven-man firing squad waiting on the sideline.
For the next 70 years, Russia wins everything that they compete in. Every Olympics and every World Cup, always ends with a Russian victory, because every other team is afraid of winning and being held responsible for the murders of the Russian squad. This leads to Russian players staying on the team far longer than they ever should. They end up with fifty and sixty year old players - like a 60 year old goalkeeper, who is almost always out of position and the opposing strikers purposely miss. It's just a pointless and depressing event to be a part of, but FIFA won't do anything to change it.
Finally, in a complete accident, an opposing goalkeeper attempts to kick the ball clear and it goes all the way down the pitch, bounces over the elderly players and despite his own teammates attempting to prevent the goal - they still score and Russia loses 0-1. As the tension builds and mounts, the firing squad members just drop the guns and walk away. Revealing that the entire "We're going to kill our team" was just a Russian Ruse to help this win so many trophies over all the years! They also reveal that the original murders were all staged, and those members are alive and well, living in a soccer convent where all they do is watch matches and play foosball all day long.
It's a very cheesy concept - but something that I feel was very SNL sketch inspired.
That was my creative brainstorm for today!
With all the World Cup watching I've been doing, I have this comedy concept brewing in my head. The genesis happened when I was watching a Russian match, and it got me to thinking about the Russians of the past: The 1960s Basketball Teams and the Hockey Teams of the 70s and 80s. It got me thinking about the idea of in the mid-1940s, the Russian Soccer team loses a match, and then a firing squad comes out and kills all the members of the team and coaching staff. The Russian Federation then announces that anytime their team loses, their entire team will be executed. Every match that they play, there is an eleven-man firing squad waiting on the sideline.
For the next 70 years, Russia wins everything that they compete in. Every Olympics and every World Cup, always ends with a Russian victory, because every other team is afraid of winning and being held responsible for the murders of the Russian squad. This leads to Russian players staying on the team far longer than they ever should. They end up with fifty and sixty year old players - like a 60 year old goalkeeper, who is almost always out of position and the opposing strikers purposely miss. It's just a pointless and depressing event to be a part of, but FIFA won't do anything to change it.
Finally, in a complete accident, an opposing goalkeeper attempts to kick the ball clear and it goes all the way down the pitch, bounces over the elderly players and despite his own teammates attempting to prevent the goal - they still score and Russia loses 0-1. As the tension builds and mounts, the firing squad members just drop the guns and walk away. Revealing that the entire "We're going to kill our team" was just a Russian Ruse to help this win so many trophies over all the years! They also reveal that the original murders were all staged, and those members are alive and well, living in a soccer convent where all they do is watch matches and play foosball all day long.
It's a very cheesy concept - but something that I feel was very SNL sketch inspired.
That was my creative brainstorm for today!
Monday, June 30, 2014
Let's Catch Up and Commit to the Future
August 20th, 2011 was almost three years ago.
If you look on my post from that day, it discussed how this blog had expanded to over 2000+ posts, and how I realized just how convoluted the majority of them were, so I cut it down by ninety percent to 200 posts. I didn't realize at that time, that I also beginning to cut down my presence here all together. Over the next few months, my only status updates involved when I published a new chapter in my novel (posts which have mostly been removed, because they just don't matter now) or posts discussing the progress of my character in the video game "Star Wars The Old Republic" (posts which have also been removed now, because who really cares?!?).
With all of that said, I've hit a point in my life where I am pretty unhappy - and I don't really have a reason to be like this. Therefore, in an attempt to change my mental state, I'm attempting to commit myself to writing something everyday - and once again using this blog as a place to do it. Unlike year ago, I don't mean writing "Bayern Munich scores, Bastian Schweinsteiger was awesome!" and going into match details. I legitimately mean that I am going to attempt to create some kind of content to post here each day. It might be a film review, or a discussion of TV series, or a recap of some event that I recently went to. It might be a bunch of pictures that I go out and take one day, or it might be story concept for books or movies I'd love to create. Something. Anything. Something to make my mind work and my fingers type. For far too long, I am told people that I was a writer. I wrote films, I wrote novels (none of which I ever finished), I wrote short stories. I claimed to be a writer, but then I also feel into the glorified lifestyle I expected from being a writer. The lifestyle of Hunter S. Thompson or Jack Kerouac, that debaucherous self-indulgent larger-than-life consumption that I thought I required to improve my writing. Even now, as I sit here outside on the back patio listening to the sounds of the night, I had to open a beer to be my writing crutch. But it's a double-edged sword lifestyle, because those late night have led to many mornings and days that I didn't want to get out of bed, and just chose to be lethargic and complacent to not accomplishing anything with my day.
I need a change, this is will hopefully be my fresh start.
I need a new place to vent. My decline in writing blogs was very much influenced by my joining Facebook. This blog was MY PLACE, my place to put up pictures of my life and where I went on vacation. I could talk about sports. I could talk about movies I liked and link to trailers that I wanted to share with my friends. Every single one of those uses where packaged together and sold to me in the form of Facebook. One stop shop. One place to do everything I just talked about - and be ever connected to all of my friends. While this blog was my place, it required people to go out of their way to hear my voice, or it required me to solicit people to pop their heads in see what I wanted to share. Facebook didn't require that, it gave the people what I wanted them to see. And thus, I started using status updates to convey my thoughts, and basically delivered watered-down CliffsNotes versions of what I wanted to talk about. I've been doing my best to limit my presence on Facebook. I feel that it's becoming very overwhelming and too much of an addiction. Twice in the last three years, I've taken sabbaticals from Facebook. Both lasted less than a month, and in those times I learned how much Facebook controlled my life. I couldn't see my IMDb ratings - because all 2000+ of them were linked to my Facebook account. And this isn't an Anti-Facebook thing in any way, this was just a personal moment where I learned how addicted to it I was, and I wanted to step away, back up and make sure I could still live my life without - but it is difficult.
I recently had my thirty-fourth birthday, which was a day that I honestly never expected that I would hit. I was seventeen years old when Chris Farley died, and in my teenage years, I was a very huge fan of Saturday Night Live. Comedy Central re-ran the late 80s and early 90s ones, and every Saturday night I would set up the VCR to record the current one. I was obsessed with Sandler, Myers, Carvey, Spade, Farley, MacDonald, Schneider, Nealon, and so many others. So, the death of Chris Farley really hit me hard and I didn't know how to deal with. I felt that at 17, I was having a mid-life crisis, which meant that I too would die at the age of 33. It was a recurring fear that somehow managed to plant its seed in my subconscious, where it continued to grow and grow for years to come, leading me to make some pretty foolish life choices along the way, thinking that it would not matter in the near future. I've now crossed this bridge, accepted that my life will still be going on, and I need to start coming to terms with a lot of the fallout from these life choices. I lack a college education, I lack career that I enjoy, and I need to seriously work on my health.
I've gotten lazy in my life. Very lazy. I've been more than happy to come home, pop down on the couch, eat some junk food and watch stuff on the television all night. That's not to say that I lack a social life, or don't go out. But, more often than not, I'll spend my free time sitting around doing nothing filling my brain with more and more entertainment value than anything else, and that's a currency that isn't worth very much. I need to change that. I recently moved, and the only downside to my move was that at my old apartment, I had come up with a nice four mile loop around the neighborhood for me to walk my dog and listen to a Nerdist Podcast each night - as the four miles took almost exactly an hour to complete, the timing was almost always perfect. In the last month, I not longer walk those four miles a day. As previously stated, I spend a lot of time on the couch, watching television or movies while spending hours playing my Star Wars game or Words With Friends, or any other number of iOS based games that were addictive and required hours of my time. And I was happy with it, so happy that my XBOX rarely gets used anymore. Every now and then I'll kick it on to knock out another level or two or a game, but what used to take up hours of my night - playing Halo with many of my friends - has almost completely been replaced. Since my move, I've been cutting back my video game playing, but not replacing the time with anything productive. That's something that needs to change.
Change. That seems to be the mantra I'm going for in this post-thirty-four lifestyle. I need change, and some big ones. First, is my commitment to this blog, and writing again. Someday I need to get back to work on "Perfect Life For Large Price". Sadly, working on it hit a major roadblock at a bad point in my life, and I don't try hard enough to push past that. I'm also realizing how much I am allowing my current employment to mentally drain me. It's very hard for me to work with some of the people I have to work with, and that mentally drains me. I want to be successful, I want to help make my place of employment successful, but when bitching and complaining are all I hear non-stop, it makes it too easy to tune it out and stop caring. I need to work for positive and motivational people - not people who love focusing on the negative and complain about how things aren't done perfectly to their liking, despite getting the job done more efficiently. My current place of employment take a serious mental toll on me that it shouldn't - but I was raised with a very solid work ethic, that causes me to feel guilty about not trying my hardest. I've tried riding it out as long as I could, I really enjoy the company and they take good care of me - but that is something that is in my control to change, and I need to make something happen. I need to find a job that I'm not only passionate about, but one that can help make me feel productive in this world.
And speaking of this world - I want to travel more. I was lucky enough to spend my birthday in Arizona with two great friends and even met Nathan Fillion that day! It was a wonderful time, and so relaxing to be free from the burdens of normal life. This trip was also something that wasn't as plausible before the move I keep talking about. I've been lucky enough to move into a house owned by a good friend of mine,and she has two dogs of her own. I loved living alone, it was very nice and it gave me a serious sense of accomplishment in life, being able to be self-sufficient. However, the financial burden was taking a serious toll on me, and I had to be extra responsible for taking care of the life of my puppy. All of that changed with this move. I now have the luxury of an amazing roommate, who is more than willing to help in the care of my dog, along with her own. I am also blessed to have greatly reduced my living expenses - which will allow for some more freedom in traveling.
Travel. Travel. Travel. It's what I have always loved, and I've been somewhat inspired by what my friend Mandie recently did. After being laid off from her corporate job, she packed up to travel the world and BLOG ABOUT IT. Now, I'm not to think that I could make that same jump at this point in my life, but I have been inspired to attempt to do more to see the world. I've toyed with the idea of looking into working for a cruise line or an airline. I'm always a little slow and hesitant with making large life choices - which is odd, because I'll do the most impulsive and insane things in the moment - but something like this I always wade in slowly with reservations. I'm poking my head around the internet and seeing what jobs are out there, and what I might think I'd like to try to do. I'm also a person who gets very dejected over rejection, and that causes me to be much more careful and selective in what I attempt to pursue, most likely to a fault.
I have already failed at my 2014 New Year's Resolution.
However, I now am putting for a few new things for me to try.
1. Write something. Every. Day.
2. Travel. Visit friends in other cities. Go to a European country soon.
3. Find a way to get paid for either writing or traveling. Make a future built on doing something I am passionate about for a living.
So, hopefully this site will begin to be populated with some original short stories, ideas, concepts, anything I'm thinking about potentially turning into a project. Or maybe just a quick update on a project of some other kind that I am working on. There are more definitely going to be film reviews. I need to exercise my mind and my fingers just as much as I need to get on a bike or a treadmill.
I just spend ninety minutes writing, but I created 2100 words that were previously just floating around in my brain. I gave them a home. And the more words I give homes to, the more free space I have to come up with new words to put together. I hope I can stick with this.
If you look on my post from that day, it discussed how this blog had expanded to over 2000+ posts, and how I realized just how convoluted the majority of them were, so I cut it down by ninety percent to 200 posts. I didn't realize at that time, that I also beginning to cut down my presence here all together. Over the next few months, my only status updates involved when I published a new chapter in my novel (posts which have mostly been removed, because they just don't matter now) or posts discussing the progress of my character in the video game "Star Wars The Old Republic" (posts which have also been removed now, because who really cares?!?).
With all of that said, I've hit a point in my life where I am pretty unhappy - and I don't really have a reason to be like this. Therefore, in an attempt to change my mental state, I'm attempting to commit myself to writing something everyday - and once again using this blog as a place to do it. Unlike year ago, I don't mean writing "Bayern Munich scores, Bastian Schweinsteiger was awesome!" and going into match details. I legitimately mean that I am going to attempt to create some kind of content to post here each day. It might be a film review, or a discussion of TV series, or a recap of some event that I recently went to. It might be a bunch of pictures that I go out and take one day, or it might be story concept for books or movies I'd love to create. Something. Anything. Something to make my mind work and my fingers type. For far too long, I am told people that I was a writer. I wrote films, I wrote novels (none of which I ever finished), I wrote short stories. I claimed to be a writer, but then I also feel into the glorified lifestyle I expected from being a writer. The lifestyle of Hunter S. Thompson or Jack Kerouac, that debaucherous self-indulgent larger-than-life consumption that I thought I required to improve my writing. Even now, as I sit here outside on the back patio listening to the sounds of the night, I had to open a beer to be my writing crutch. But it's a double-edged sword lifestyle, because those late night have led to many mornings and days that I didn't want to get out of bed, and just chose to be lethargic and complacent to not accomplishing anything with my day.
I need a change, this is will hopefully be my fresh start.
I need a new place to vent. My decline in writing blogs was very much influenced by my joining Facebook. This blog was MY PLACE, my place to put up pictures of my life and where I went on vacation. I could talk about sports. I could talk about movies I liked and link to trailers that I wanted to share with my friends. Every single one of those uses where packaged together and sold to me in the form of Facebook. One stop shop. One place to do everything I just talked about - and be ever connected to all of my friends. While this blog was my place, it required people to go out of their way to hear my voice, or it required me to solicit people to pop their heads in see what I wanted to share. Facebook didn't require that, it gave the people what I wanted them to see. And thus, I started using status updates to convey my thoughts, and basically delivered watered-down CliffsNotes versions of what I wanted to talk about. I've been doing my best to limit my presence on Facebook. I feel that it's becoming very overwhelming and too much of an addiction. Twice in the last three years, I've taken sabbaticals from Facebook. Both lasted less than a month, and in those times I learned how much Facebook controlled my life. I couldn't see my IMDb ratings - because all 2000+ of them were linked to my Facebook account. And this isn't an Anti-Facebook thing in any way, this was just a personal moment where I learned how addicted to it I was, and I wanted to step away, back up and make sure I could still live my life without - but it is difficult.
I recently had my thirty-fourth birthday, which was a day that I honestly never expected that I would hit. I was seventeen years old when Chris Farley died, and in my teenage years, I was a very huge fan of Saturday Night Live. Comedy Central re-ran the late 80s and early 90s ones, and every Saturday night I would set up the VCR to record the current one. I was obsessed with Sandler, Myers, Carvey, Spade, Farley, MacDonald, Schneider, Nealon, and so many others. So, the death of Chris Farley really hit me hard and I didn't know how to deal with. I felt that at 17, I was having a mid-life crisis, which meant that I too would die at the age of 33. It was a recurring fear that somehow managed to plant its seed in my subconscious, where it continued to grow and grow for years to come, leading me to make some pretty foolish life choices along the way, thinking that it would not matter in the near future. I've now crossed this bridge, accepted that my life will still be going on, and I need to start coming to terms with a lot of the fallout from these life choices. I lack a college education, I lack career that I enjoy, and I need to seriously work on my health.
I've gotten lazy in my life. Very lazy. I've been more than happy to come home, pop down on the couch, eat some junk food and watch stuff on the television all night. That's not to say that I lack a social life, or don't go out. But, more often than not, I'll spend my free time sitting around doing nothing filling my brain with more and more entertainment value than anything else, and that's a currency that isn't worth very much. I need to change that. I recently moved, and the only downside to my move was that at my old apartment, I had come up with a nice four mile loop around the neighborhood for me to walk my dog and listen to a Nerdist Podcast each night - as the four miles took almost exactly an hour to complete, the timing was almost always perfect. In the last month, I not longer walk those four miles a day. As previously stated, I spend a lot of time on the couch, watching television or movies while spending hours playing my Star Wars game or Words With Friends, or any other number of iOS based games that were addictive and required hours of my time. And I was happy with it, so happy that my XBOX rarely gets used anymore. Every now and then I'll kick it on to knock out another level or two or a game, but what used to take up hours of my night - playing Halo with many of my friends - has almost completely been replaced. Since my move, I've been cutting back my video game playing, but not replacing the time with anything productive. That's something that needs to change.
Change. That seems to be the mantra I'm going for in this post-thirty-four lifestyle. I need change, and some big ones. First, is my commitment to this blog, and writing again. Someday I need to get back to work on "Perfect Life For Large Price". Sadly, working on it hit a major roadblock at a bad point in my life, and I don't try hard enough to push past that. I'm also realizing how much I am allowing my current employment to mentally drain me. It's very hard for me to work with some of the people I have to work with, and that mentally drains me. I want to be successful, I want to help make my place of employment successful, but when bitching and complaining are all I hear non-stop, it makes it too easy to tune it out and stop caring. I need to work for positive and motivational people - not people who love focusing on the negative and complain about how things aren't done perfectly to their liking, despite getting the job done more efficiently. My current place of employment take a serious mental toll on me that it shouldn't - but I was raised with a very solid work ethic, that causes me to feel guilty about not trying my hardest. I've tried riding it out as long as I could, I really enjoy the company and they take good care of me - but that is something that is in my control to change, and I need to make something happen. I need to find a job that I'm not only passionate about, but one that can help make me feel productive in this world.
And speaking of this world - I want to travel more. I was lucky enough to spend my birthday in Arizona with two great friends and even met Nathan Fillion that day! It was a wonderful time, and so relaxing to be free from the burdens of normal life. This trip was also something that wasn't as plausible before the move I keep talking about. I've been lucky enough to move into a house owned by a good friend of mine,and she has two dogs of her own. I loved living alone, it was very nice and it gave me a serious sense of accomplishment in life, being able to be self-sufficient. However, the financial burden was taking a serious toll on me, and I had to be extra responsible for taking care of the life of my puppy. All of that changed with this move. I now have the luxury of an amazing roommate, who is more than willing to help in the care of my dog, along with her own. I am also blessed to have greatly reduced my living expenses - which will allow for some more freedom in traveling.
Travel. Travel. Travel. It's what I have always loved, and I've been somewhat inspired by what my friend Mandie recently did. After being laid off from her corporate job, she packed up to travel the world and BLOG ABOUT IT. Now, I'm not to think that I could make that same jump at this point in my life, but I have been inspired to attempt to do more to see the world. I've toyed with the idea of looking into working for a cruise line or an airline. I'm always a little slow and hesitant with making large life choices - which is odd, because I'll do the most impulsive and insane things in the moment - but something like this I always wade in slowly with reservations. I'm poking my head around the internet and seeing what jobs are out there, and what I might think I'd like to try to do. I'm also a person who gets very dejected over rejection, and that causes me to be much more careful and selective in what I attempt to pursue, most likely to a fault.
I have already failed at my 2014 New Year's Resolution.
However, I now am putting for a few new things for me to try.
1. Write something. Every. Day.
2. Travel. Visit friends in other cities. Go to a European country soon.
3. Find a way to get paid for either writing or traveling. Make a future built on doing something I am passionate about for a living.
So, hopefully this site will begin to be populated with some original short stories, ideas, concepts, anything I'm thinking about potentially turning into a project. Or maybe just a quick update on a project of some other kind that I am working on. There are more definitely going to be film reviews. I need to exercise my mind and my fingers just as much as I need to get on a bike or a treadmill.
I just spend ninety minutes writing, but I created 2100 words that were previously just floating around in my brain. I gave them a home. And the more words I give homes to, the more free space I have to come up with new words to put together. I hope I can stick with this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)