"Pirates 3" Review

Um... I don't think I watched the same film that Phil and Justin told me was good. The film that Justin gave 4 out of 5 stars...?

Well, my first problem was going to see the film at Clearwater. The seats there are good for about 90 minutes, then they SUCK. It's hard to believe that back in the "Good Old Days" (when Dave Maier was my manager) that I used to watch HUNDREDS of films at that theatre. I don't know how I survived... Oh yeah, I was young and dumb and didn't know what comfortable theatre seats really were.

Anyways. Can a film be any more filled with pointless crap? Within the past two weeks I've watched the first two films to get my mind refreshed. They both run around 2 hours and 20 minutes. Then comes this film, which runs about 3 hours. The sad part is that there is only about 100 minutes of good story. There was SO MUCH POINTLESS CRAP thrown into this movie that makes it drag on and on and on and on, etc...

Next, I'm SO BORED with the betrayal after betrayal after betrayal. I'm going to betray you, because you've betrayed me, and you are betraying me again, and so now I'm going to team up with my enemy, but y real goal is to betray them, but then after that I am going to betray you, but wait, you've betrayed me two more times since I began betraying this betrayer. It's RIDICULOUS!!! I'm tired of it. Move on, and get a better plot device. JEEZ!!!

And I haven't hated the "falling action" of a story since "Return of the King". I was seriously wondering IF THE FILM WOULD EVER END!!! Drag on, drag on, drag on, leave it open for five more sequels, drag on, drag on, drag on... BLAH. GET OVER!!!

If I wasn't in a packed auditorium, I probably would have fallen asleep. Sadly, with so many people so close around me, I can't lay my head down and sleep - I wish I would have.

The action scenes were fun to watch. Keira was great to look at. Jack was overly annoying. Keith Richards' cameo was entertaining. Chow Yun-Fat was held back from being truly awesome - like EVERY OTHER MOVIE HE IS IN. Seriously, I can't think of another actor that get screwed over more. It would be like putting Vin Deisel in a movie, making him looks awesome, then having DJ Qualls beat him up. WHAT!?!?!? Seriously, one day I hope someone actually gives him a good role.

Oh, and I was disappointed I didn't get to see the teaser trailer for "National Treasure 2". Justin described it to me today, and it sounded really cool. I can't find it on the 'net yet. (EDIT: The trailer is available at Yahoo! Movies and it looks REALLY COOL!!!)

I'm sure this film is going to a billion dollars this weekend (I'm exaggerating). And I'm sure lots of people are going to disagree with me. I know both Justin and Phil told me today that they liked it. So, I'm sure Jason will too - since we never ever agree on films. I did get to see the "Transformers" trailer again, so that made me happy - that's the next film I am DYING to see. I am SO PUMPED UP for that film!!!